Evabee

Chronicles of an FFXIV black mage, cosplayer and coffee addict

The 10 players you’ll meet in World of Darkness – Part 1

Patch 2.5 brought lots of great new content to Final Fantasy XIV, including the final installment in the Crystal Tower Saga: World of Darkness. This exciting new 24-man raid revisits the original, successful formula of asking 24 random players from across servers to try and not be complete dicks to each other so you can get your  @$#^ing piece of i120 gear for the week. Added to the mix are even more unrecoverable raid wipes, instant kills, cooperative mechanics, and of course, deadly red circles that require other players to run out of them so you don’t die.

 

Yay!

 

Yay.

Haha jokes THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS

Hahahaha THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS ಥ‿ಥ

This guide provides an brief overview of the types of players you might encounter as you climb your way through the tower.

Onwards!

1. Overcompensating tanks

World of Darkness tanks come in two types: either they want to live out their wildest dps dreams and not tank a single thing (because they have to top the meters, duh), or your three tanks are all so dedicated to their job that they have an all out war for who gets the honor of being main tank.

tankpissingcontest

They could use their words to decide, but where would the fun in that be? Better to just provoke off of whoever is currently tanking and claim that you accidentally pulled hate with sword oath, am I right?

By the way, this competitiveness only applies to the bosses themselves – no one wants to tank the adds. Ever. DPS classes (I’m looking at you, BLMs) be prepared to take one for the team tank with your faces.

2. The troll who wants to watch the world burn

Remember that player who gleefully stacked the skeletons in Crystal Tower? I know I do – thoughts of skeletons racing towards bone dragons still keep me awake at night.

How could this happen to me, I've made my mistakes, I've got nowehere to run...

How could this happen to me, I’ve made my mistakes, I’ve got no where to run…

Prepare yourself, because this player is now in your World of Darkness alliance, purposefully pointing eye lasers at squishy DPS, facepulling with glee, and “forgetting” to chain Cerberus, just because they can.

Chances are this player doesn’t even need an item or weekly clear, they’re just here to make sure your run is as painful and headache inducing as possible. To my fellow Scholars and White Mages – prepare your healer tears for round 3.

3. The player that spends most of the dungeon dead (but wins all the loot)

This player spends so much time eating dirt that you’ll wonder if their camera is permanently locked in the downwards position. You’ll start to count it as a win if they manage a single skill or cast before face planting all over again, just to maintain your limited sanity. If the minion drops at the end, don’t even bother rolling on it, because this player is guaranteed to win it.

I'm not dead guys, just trying to improve my loot rolls

I’m not dead guys, just trying to improve my loot rolls

Thank goodness weakness only stacks twice! Hahahaha…hah…haaaa

Sorry, just trying to keep the healer tears at bay.

4. The raging elitist

Herp derp pro status healer here to tell you what's up

Herp derp pro status healer here to tell you what’s up

Lots of things can go wrong in a World of Darkness run, and this player makes sure to point every single tiny insignificant flaw. They typically focus on putting down the skills and gear of their teammates while pointing out their own “impressive” accomplishments (because we all totally care that you beat T13 while wrestling a bear in only your birthday suit).

Alternatively insulting someone's sex life works too. Because that totally matters in WoD

Alternatively ,insulting someone’s sex life works too. Because that totally matters in WoD

Remember you filthy casuals, World of Darkness is a serious raid that requires skills on par with Final Coil of Bahamut, and I’m qualified to say this because I just barely slugged my way through T9 with 15% echo.

(ಥ‿ಥ #NeverAgain)

5. The player you only saw briefly because their loot dropped off the first boss

“Just reached the second boss! Hey wait, where did our DRG go?”

Fun party game: take a shot every time someone leaves after getting loot. Goal is to be drunk by Cloud of Darkness so it hurts less

Fun party game: take a shot every time someone leaves after getting loot. Goal is to be drunk by Cloud of Darkness to numb the pain when people don’t soak meteors

You’re pretty sure you started the run out with a dragoon in your party, but when you pull the trash leading to the second boss you notice that dragoon has been replaced by a bard. Guess the first boss dropped melee dps gear! These players are so common in World of Darkness that a boss encounter doesn’t actually count as over until the “Light Party” logo flashes on your screen after loot. At least they get a 30 minute penalty now.

If it’s Monday night before reset and you just want to get your drop for the week, you’re not even mad. You’re just jealous you’re not the one who got lucky.

Maybe next week bard hat, maybe next week :(

Maybe next week bard hat, maybe next week 🙁

Recognize anyone you know yet? Stay tuned for the next five players in part 2!

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s a new week, and I have some farming to do. Wish me luck ;_;

~ Eva

2 Comments

  1. I don’t play much FFXIV, but those sound like EXACTLY what we get in World of Warcraft.

    • Eva

      August 13, 2015 at 8:38 pm

      Having played both – they’re absolutely the same, and are somehow in every game. Why can’t we escape them?! lol

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